I just finished packing my son’s clothes. I did the dishes earlier after enjoying the simple meal that I prepared. Since my wife is studying for her exams, I volunteered to do all the work in the house instead of just my half. If my parents could see me now; they’d be proud. I remember sharing my dream with them. How I wanted to have a house on the hill, a wife and two kids, a great job with great benefits, good friends – that was the dream I had when I was younger. When life was just one big potential, waiting to be explored, waiting to be lived. I had it all figured out, go to university, get my degree, come out and get the job I wanted then let life begin. Then I met you and you had similar ambitions desires and dreams, you were so perfect you felt like a dream. You motivated me to be more than I was, to do more than I thought possible, to step outside my comfort zone – I learned a lot from you. How not to dream big but dream bigger; not to do good, but do better – never to take silver when the gold is up for grabs. My dreams slowly changed. I wanted a big house in the mountains; I wanted you as my wife, no kids because that didn’t fit in your plans. I decided I would be my own boss, and as for friends, well anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend. This kind of thinking made you happy and I thought I was happy too because I saw you happy. Then it happened, someone you thought was better than me walked into your life, and I faded out of the picture. It made sense because all I ever did was never enough for you. You were always about bigger and better.

Crushed. That’s how my heart felt – and all those bigger dreams were lost. It hurt, but just for a little while – I had to do as a man does; pick myself up, dust myself off and keep walking. When I saw your name on my patients list today I was shocked, and when you walked into the clinic, I was stunned. What happened to the bright-eyed girl who was always about bigger and better. Where’s that captivating smile, that charming personality, that beautiful girl I once worked so hard to please? It’s hard to believe that she’s an HIV patient of mine today. Funny how life works sometimes, how things turn out different from our expectations. I could be living a miserable bigger dream that wasn’t really mine to start off with, but even if all that I am is not enough for you, the great I AM is more than enough for me. Today, I have my house on Montgomery Hill, a great wife, one son and a daughter on the way, being a doctor is not so bad, and the clinic has great benefits. I have a lot of patients and when I make house calls I build great friendships. Life is not about how big you can dream, its about how well you can live it.

uninspired abstract thought by Tedd V