I'm lying flat on my back, and I'm thinking about Rosa, how she was always was so leisurely yet had a firm resolve, how she exerted her will on me. Assertive yet gentle, I can almost feel her grip on my fore-arm. That grip that she gave me the day I left. There was a quiet strength behind it, which reminded me so much of Ms Harriet, a sweet old lady that lived down the road from my grandma's house. I remembered how she had arthritis, and so had difficulty walking, but was determined to walk round the block twice every morning. That gentle grip at that very moment reminded me of Ms Harriet, because I knew Rosa had difficulty expressing her emotions deliberately, but was always determined to let me know exactly how she felt. After 11 years of marriage, our first full year together was a wonderful year, and all the moments we shared, can neither be fully captured by words or photographs, nor wholly contained in our memories. Maybe its because we subconsciously knew that that year was the "together forever" we dreamed about. Where I wouldn't have to serve in the navy anymore. We will do the best we can to recall and relive them, but it doesn't last forever and the feeling cannot be duplicated. She'd always had a hard time hiding her anger, and as angry as she may have been when I got the deployment order, she puckered up and made the most of those last moments we had together and I really appreciated that about her.

All I could do was step closer to her, gently grab her delicate, soft, small hand, and place it on my rough cheek. Right then, that very moment embodied perfection. Her hand, was slightly warmer than my cheek, and it felt like it belonged there. It mirrored the warmth she'd brought into my life, heaven knows I need that warmth right now. I'm not usually sensitive to the touch, but I noticed the ever so slight tremble in her hand. I knew she was scared, heck, I was too. Its similar to how I'm feeling right now, well not really, instead of a slight tremble, I have this accentuated shiver; and though I've never feared anything in my life, I am terrified right now. As much as I want her here next to me right now, I'm glad she's not here to see me like this. Six months at war in the desert will leave you looking worse than you feel. I remember pulling her close to me that day. She hugged me so tight, I can feel her still. I was uncertain if she'd ever let go, I didn't want her to ever let go. I couldn't help but smile, kiss her on the forehead, and whisper "Don't worry pumpkin, I'll be fine. I promise you." She had a way of making me feel like superman. Like I could take on the world and win ten times out of ten. So when I told her I'd be fine, I meant it. She looked me square in the eye, and replied, "you'd better be."

Looking back, how could I not be sure of myself? I mean Rosa was just too good to me to feel any other way, and I had done this so many times. I'd been all over the world fighting for my country, and this being my last tour before an honorable dis-charge, I felt like the heavens were finally smiling on me. We'd just bought a property in a small town, like she'd always wanted. Complete with a big back-yard and a picket fence. I had started my auto-repair business a walking distance from home, hired Juan, her little brother as my assistant. To top it all off, after years of trying, we were finally going to be blessed with the patter of little feet around the house. Yes sir, she was 8 weeks pregnant when I left, and in the last letter she sent, she said it was going to be a girl. She'd always wanted a girl, so naturally, I wanted a girl too. I just had to come back, I'd come back 16 times before, but this time I had more to come back to. So I promised I'd be fine.

This morning, was the brightest morning I ever did see. Today I complete my tour of duty. At 1500hrs the seasprites lift off, and I'll be home tomorrow. I can almost taste Rosa's casserole, and off-course, I already feel her touch. I can't wait to feel Nancy-Juanita kicking in Rosa's belly. We decided we'd name our first daughter after Rosa's mom who passed away while giving birth to Juan. I've dreamed of tomorrow for so many nights, and it's so close I can almost walk right into it. I can damn-near see it. What I want most of all though is to hug my Rosa once again. Hug her tighter than she hugged me that day. I just cant wait. Everything is packed, and as the rear-admiral, it's my responsibility to make sure that everyone below me is accounted for and arrives home safely. I stepped out of the quarters, and got word from the vice admiral that the seasprites were fueled, and needed a look over before being cleared for the flight home.

Captain Svarozki had been injured 3 days ago, so I had to do the look over instead of him. The humvee took a hit, so I decided to take a motorcycle to get to the hanger. Its pointless going along the regular roads with a motor cycle, so Commodore Levert and myself decided to take a short-cut. He knew the way better so he led the way. While riding, I noticed a little girl on the side of the road. About 6 years old, and cute as could be. My daughter will look like this someday. My mind was taken off of where I was and what I was doing. For the first time in 6 months, I forgot I was a Naval officer, I forgot I was at war, I forgot I was a target, and I focused on what freedom would look like in a few years. I could imagine myself picking her up from school, and walking home with her, to greet Rosa at the door with kisses, hugs and stories of my day. I forgot about my rank, and the task at hand. I was curious about

this little girl, out in the desert alone. I just had to find out what her name was. Levert must not have noticed me slowing down because he continued tiding full speed ahead. I came to a stop, got off my bike, with a smile on my face, and a tears of joy crowding my eye.

"Hey little girl, what's your name?" I asked, and at that moment I noticed in the corner of my eye, a sharp light on a rock. It was the kind of light you get when the sun shines on a mirror. My heart sank. There are no mirrors in the desert, just snipers and telescopes. In that brief moment, I thought to myself "I shouldn't be here" If Captain Svarozki hadn't been injured 3 days ago, If the humvee hadn't taken a hit yesterday, If we hadn't taken a shortcut, If I hadn't seen this little beautiful girl, if I hadn't been so curious, I f only I hadn't stopped. I wouldn't be lying flat on my back with this sharp pain in my chest. I'm thinking about Rosa. How will she take the news. I was so close to coming home, so close to spending "forever together" with her. So close to witnessing the birth of our child. So close to keeping the promise I made to her. One moment of carelessness, and my promise turned into a lie. I'm not fine right now. Who knew that the desert floor could feel so cold? Oh how I need Rosa's warmth right now.